Road to Redemption

Well... back again and after re reading the previous road posts. I'm here with another status update.

First things is that finally my divorce is in progress. Just have some kinks to iron out and hopefully God willing everything will go ok.

Its funny how life throws combos at you and have you staring at nothing but a hill climb once you hit the bed rock.

I'm not afraid nor will I ever back down from a challenge. I'm just stuck at the moment looking for an extra source to help me combat these life woes.

I went from becoming a new father, to getting married, to an ugly separation with an impending divorce which took forever, to finding someone knew, to being in love again, to trying to make sure that this relationship doesn't fall apart as well.

Life got as hard as it can get right now. But I know it's going to bounce back better than it ever was I'm just waiting for the opportunity.

I'm not perfect but I'm trying my hardest to make the right choices. I trust God 100 percent on this and I just want to make things better from all angles.

I admit that alot of the issues stemmed from my overreacting to the problems being addressed and I just need to correct everything from my end alone.

Welcome people to the fourth installment in my ordeal... my Road to Redemption.

I have to do something for myself.


Last Day Being Broke

So I'm sitting here staring at my phone and just thinking about the events of my life... Decided to write a blog post and wanted to clear my mind. But got to the app and thought to myself hmmmm what should I write about....

I'm winning some money tonight. From the lottery to be exact. I'm going to faithfully choose 6 numbers where only 1 number will relate to me. All other 5 numbers will just be the numbers that stand out to be chosen.

No more being broke, no more living from check to check and paying bills as I can. No more getting phone calls. No more stretching the last few dollars. I'm a buy my mom a house to move in and make sure she don't have to worry about paying a penny for a roof over her head again. Same thing for my dad.

I'm a take care of my household and my siblings and put an end to all these days of barely getting by.

I have that small circle that will benefit.

Then I'll buy myself a nice car. And work on investments for the rest of the fortune.

July 25th 2015.



The video game GODs looked down upon Sony and the Playstation console and smiled....

Finally.... the remake we've all been waiting for.


The View

I stare at you in deep thought
Thoughts of the future
Thoughts of the past
Thoughts of today
You're very beautiful and
I enjoy every moment staring
I can't imagine not being with you
From the moment I met you
Something inside me wanted you
To be with you
To hold you
To spend my life with you
To stare at you when we're alone
Knowing that I love you
Knowing that no matter what we go through
No matter what decisions we make
No matter what disputes we have
I'll love you
I stand in front of you and I stare at you
I stare at you in deep admiration
Admiring your beauty
Admiring your stance and figure
Admiring your smile
Loving the way you walk with every step
Loving your accent when you talk
I lay beside you and I watch you
I watch you as you watch tv
I watch you use the laptop
I watch you read
I watch you use your phone
I watch you laugh at the things that entertain you
Every moment of observing you
I always wonder what brought us together
I refrain to wonder what will the future be
I tell myself repeatedly to enjoy the moment
To accept the gift
To appreciate the view
The View of loving you.


Road to Happiness

Well. . .
After reading the 2 previous "Road" posts from the previous 2 years, I feel it's only right that I write about how I feel right now.

I wrote about achieving fame (still awaiting), finding an inner peace (this began when I learned to let go), now in my most JoeStew like voice ever "a nigga just wanna be happy".

So what's my current situation now?

I am preparing for a divorce from my daughter's mother and I am currently in a refreshing relationship with the most beautiful Francine.

I met Francine on a party boat I decided to go on with some of my coworkers on April 19th-20th. The party started on the 19th but I didn't get around to speaking to her until like 2 to 3 am on the 20th.

That was a long day because prior to going on the boat I spent most of my day trying to find the camouflage pants I wanted. So I settled for a pair I actually liked.

Also my daughter's mother decided to give me a hard time that day just for the simple fact I was going out. Just for a small informational reference, the last time I went out to enjoy myself was back in October of 2012, so I was very happy to get to go out again.

After dancing together, talking for a bit, and taking a hand full of pictures, me and Francine exchanged numbers. The next day we went on a date to Chilis and brought our kids to meet. I can vividly remember not wanting that night to end as we stood outside talking for a countless number of hours. Being around her felt comfortable.

Well spoke sparingly afterwards and then picked up once again 2 1/2 months later as if we never slowed down. This time around things between us got much more serious.

Still going serious to this day, I am looking forward to making the most out of what we have together. So every decision I make with her isn't going to be a what if oriented decision, I am looking to make concrete choices.
She inspired me to get back to my music because she admires my craft so much and I appreciate her influence on jumpstarting that hobby again for me. We communicate about a lot of different subjects, we have a lot of similarities although we are different in the ways we balance each other out, we pray together, and no matter what goals we have independent of each other we always push each other to making a better decision.

I can't really find anything about her that I need to complain about. I just want us to continue to be happy with each other.

When I least expected to end up in another situation is when it happened and it happened with someone who has the biggest intention on being in love with me being myself.

I Love Francine dearly and I pray the God pours out more blessings on the union we've started together.

The main idea of the feeling is "a nigga just wanna be happy"

This is my Road to Happiness.

posted from Bloggeroid



Being a father was probably one of the most biggest moments in my life.

I say this because I often reflect on what my life was like as a child and I remember most the moments about it I did not like and wanted to change in my own children lives.

In the beginning of my 3rd grade year, me and my brothers moved to live with our dad. During my 5th grade year, my brothers decided they wanted to move back with our mom. Not wanting to be apart from my brothers I chose to move back with our mom as well.

That moment was when I understood the rift of what happens when parents don't have the luxury of taking care of their children together.

I went alone with my mom to go get our clothes and as I'm packing I remember my dad trying to cope with the situation of having to have his boys move back with their mother.

First time I even seen my dad cry . . . Even though he cried to himself.

I kept quiet the whole ride home . . . Until I was asked why was I quiet and once asked I tried to explain that my dad was crying. But as soon as I went to speak on it I couldn't stop myself from crying.

That moment let me know that I will do any and everything I can to be a full part of my child's life or children's lives.

I currently have 1 daughter and it hurts everyday knowing that she's not being given the current luxury of having both mom and dad at all times. But instead has to go with dad on some days and be with mom on the other days. . . Every week.

Its a lot to deal with emotionally as a parent, but I do the best I can to block out any mental aggravations and focus on being dad.

Every day I pray that God will enable me to be a better dad and father to my daughter Autumn than I aspire to be.


Road to Peace

That's my reaction to the last time I wrote on here. My "Road to Fame" post, just made me feel like wow.
Not at the actual idea, but at the mindframe I had.

The reason why its so surprising, is mainly due to the point that being famous isn't even a goal of mine anymore. I still want to rap though. I probably recorded one song in the whole year since my Road to Fame post and my life as seen so many crazy events within the last year that I'm at the point now where I just want peace.

To start things off, the last time I visited my grandfather who was in recovery from a tripple bypass surgery, the last thing he said to me was "I'm praying for you". I told him I was praying for him too, I mean he was fighting to get better after Tripple Bypass Surgery, he needed more prayers than I did. But he said it twice that he was praying for me, but the face he made when he said it the second time just always made me wonder, what is he able to see right now that he felt the need to tell me he's praying for me?

Time went on then 2 days before my 28th birthday my grandfather passed away. (What a christmas gift) My bday is on the 24th. The funeral was held on the 29th. The only thing I can keep thinking of is him telling me he was praying for me.

Around this time of the year my wife was pregnant with what would've been our 2nd child together, but unfortunately that pregnancy ended in her having a miscarriage. Shortly after finding out that she would miscarry she had the D & C procedure and my heart really went out to her, because I felt so hurt for her.

1 disagreement after that event she decided that she wants to separate. This was hard for me to deal with because I was the only one working and we had 5 months left on our lease living together. She didn't want me to just leave she just wanted separation, but the things that transpired after that only made everything worse.

I never expected to go through so much hurt, pain, and disrespect from the one person I vowed to give my all to. On top of that we have a little girl that we have to raise together.

Right now for the moment I stay by myself, I get my daughter every weekend and sometimes during the week. I make it my best effort to provide anything that she may need. But even with being there as much as I am. It hurts me to have to raise my daughter in the kind of back and forthness I disliked as a child.

I have vented before trying to get things of my chest, I get a nauseated feeling every time I go to get my daughter, my mind cycles through millions of thoughts every single day about everything I'm going through, I pray, I pray, and I pray asking God to help me out and take control of my situation, while all in the back of my mind those last words replay as I am told by my ailing grandfather that he is praying for me.

I don't want none of his prayers to go in vain. So I try to keep a positive outlook.

I'm not an arrogant or proud person, I accept the moments of humility to humble me, and most of all I miss my family. Yeah my wife has done some things that cuts deep and continues to pour salt in that wound. But I wouldn't be doing God's will if I refuse to find a way to forgive her. It sucks not being able to leave work and go home to my family like I used to. But I trust that God will help me get through it.

Going through all of this has help me to realize, that I just want an inner peace. That inner peace will help keep me going and hopefully one day, I'll be able to witness my grandkids and great grands.

In the meantime, I'll attempt to keep myself busy with the hobby I love the most (music). Who knows what post I'll write next year after reflecting on this.

Thanks for reading.

God Bless and Take Care.